Its my Mommy's birthday!

Here's to you Mom!


So we just had a huge ordeal where Jeff got a new job that took us back to St G, then another new job that took us back to Cedar City. I really enjoyed hanging out with my mom. Its so often that being the night owl I am, I dont have alot of company before I crash into bed. I liked it so much that when I left (Im not kidding Mom) I cried when me and Jeff laid down that night. Ok people, I have moved across the freaking country without crying. I drove up the road a little and cried myself to sleep (At 21 and married).

My mom knows a little more why this leave was a little more difficult, but thats awesome mom and daughter stuff, isnt mom ;) I just really care about you and youre happiness

So that got me thinking of all the times I plopped right back in the nest.

1st- "moved out" -kinda- to Florida for school... that was fun but gosh I was 18. Kinda hard to spread my wings $9k in debt :)

2nd- Moved back to Mom's after FL. Emily was huge, so glad to be back with my family and my mommy after such a hard year. Really went through some crap when I got back so I therefore turned into a punk and moved out on my own. Which was cool until...

3rd-MOM TO THE RESCUE! Quit my job and couldnt even afford the $200 bucks I was paying Tommy and Tonya. Wasnt quite ready to move in with Jeff, so I moved back in with Mom! Gosh SHES PATIENT! But then me and Jeff got engaged and moved in together and got married.

4th- Jeff's store closed down, but he got a job in St G. Kinda silly to live in Cedar when we both work in St G so Mom to the rescue again!

So I have made the leap 4 times!-!-!-!



So anyways Ive had my mom on the brain this week. She's really outstanding. She's very patient. I love her very much. I know you hate birthdays, but its your day, so have at it. Im so happy her nest is always open! (and the next time I come to your nest its with German Chocolate cake, so maybe I can earn some of that awesomeness youve given me for so long)


Love ya!

Bicycle races are coming today!

So Jeff has been talking about getting a bike since we got together 2 years ago. We werent living together soon enough in summer and then we were too busy this summer. And obviously living in the frozen tundra of Cedar City doesnt inspire bike-riding desires. And not to mention, every time he asked me about whether I wanted a bike I said nah. Theyre unstable and I probably wouldnt like it. I hadnt ridden one since I was 10ish.

So now that we are staying with my mom we found an old bike in her garage that worked great. So a few days ago, Jeff rode the bike to the park and strolled along a little behind. Once we were at the park, I asked if I could just... try it.

Fast forward 5 miuntes... me laughing as I peddled past him as fast as I could to go faster down the hill. Freaking loved it! I went back out later that day, and again that night with Emily. And went today for a long ride. Its freaking awesome! Why have I deprived myself for all these years!


And yes. I wear my garter and black thigh highs when I go too.

So this is a bad month. Well. A good month, but a seriously heartbreaking month. The good news! Jeff got a job and we are moving to St George! We are so thankful! Im just happy our future is secure.

But the bad news. I was so sure we were pregnant this month. I had some some pretty serious early signs but the test came up negative. And I can feel AF coming and its pretty late. We were sure we had it this month. Im wondering if we did and it just didnt take.

Its been 3 months. Which isnt a long time. Thats only 3 cycles and your odds are only 1/4 typically. I just have to be patient. Its just so hard. So we are TRULY not "trying" anymore. Its just so hard when Im so in tune with my stuff its hard to ignore. But I am. I am going to do it. And guess what. Im drinking caffeine again. And not taking the pills. and doing or not doing anything else that I was doing to get pregnant. Maybe it wasnt supposed to happen.

When i see my baby's face I will know that we created the life that was supposed to be. The face that was supposed to be.

Sorry about all the baby stuff its just really heavy on me sometimes and I need to get it off me. This month is for me. not for my kid, gosh. Im already giving it everything Ive got. Im just so lucky. Im so thankful for Jeff who loves me no matter how frikin off the wall I get. I love you Baby.

So recently on my facebook...

I said I had OCD in high school. I haven't been clinically diagnosed, but I dint need to be. I know its what was going on.

Definition

Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is a type of anxiety disorder in which you have unreasonable thoughts and fears (obsessions) that lead you to engage in repetitive behaviors (compulsions). With obsessive-compulsive disorder, you may realize that your obsessions aren't reasonable, and you may try to ignore them or stop them. But that only increases your distress and anxiety. Ultimately, you feel driven to perform compulsive acts in an effort to ease your distress.


So I had this one teacher who was really big on reading. I remember one time she asked me if I had read the captions under the picture. Most high schoolers would have been like, yeah! Even if they hadn't. That was not me. So after I got points taken away for not reading and heard her go off on how we are not to skim, haha, my anxiety kicked in.

I need to add here another thing that really hurt me. I was very, very spiritual. I was also being taught that the "voice in my head" was the Holy Spirit. So I'm sinning if i miss a word and "skim", so therefore the Holy spirit is guiding me to re-read things so I wont mess up (and displease God).

Soon after this reading incident I started rereading sentences if I missed a couple words. This turned into a compulsive thing that I was literally sounding out every syllable in my head. OH GOD! Prepositional phrases threw me off like you would not believe. Say I was reading, "In the beginning of the the year, the student went insane." I would re-read that first part like 10 times I kid you not. The OCD voice, which I was under the impression was the Holy Spirit, was telling me to do it. So my OCD brain became God. Oh it was bad. Very very bad.

My mom took me in for glasses because my eyes hurt so bad. I had perfect vision! I was just spending all day reading and my eyes were worn out from going back and back and back. I would get massive headaches. Sometimes I would beg my mom to read to me. I had to get the Bible on tape to read along to it. That would send me into a tail spin. Spiritual OCD person, reading the Bible, their brain (God in my eyes) telling me to re-read it over and over.

Dishes! I would wash a dish, set it in the rack, and "the holy spirit" would tell me there was something dangerous on that plate that I needed to rinse off. So... we'd re-wash it.

Now, I wasn't a religious psycho. I knew there was something wrong, but never considered OCD. I thought OCD was when you cleaned alot or hated things to be out of place. And Lord knows that is not me!

I'm sure this blows some of you away who know me now. I'm alot different now. I have completely grown out of my OCD. Even though I'm not even close to as spiritual as I was, I still believe in God. I believe He's alot more intuition than regular thoughts. I just realize now, hes not some little alien living in my brain with controls.




This RUINED my Junior year of high school. I was sick of being berated by my own head. I just wanted out. I seriously gained like 30 pounds and cried every other night. Thankfully, I loosened up alot, but unfortunately I did overdo it. But I will find my balance. I'm young! I don't tell alot of people this because its so unbelievable now. Its a year out of my childhood that I wish I could forget. I have it under control and will never let it steal another second.

The little engine that could!

Haha! Oh the innuendo... but anyways

So I posted a while back about how we're trying to get pregnant! Way excited. Its been 2 months that have been disappointing at the end, but we're hopeful and having fun trying. I hear all the time that "I get pregnant when my husband looks at me!" <- hate them! After I scoured over some online stuff and talking to family, Ive realized that its not a bad thing, but its actually a really normal thing to take a while. 2 months in nothing compared to years! Not to mention!!! We had our timing off! Holy cow. We were off by like 2 days. So thats delayed our baby too.

So, armed with some goods and some pills, we are on the baby train a little longer.

Dear Baby,

This week Im giving up Pepsi for Sierra Mist- because apparently you dont like caffeine. I know youre worth it!

More sex, drugs and rock n roll for me. Just not quite like how that usually goes together.



Make you soon, Babes. *knock on wood! babe. No babeS

I was totally going to post this in honor of our being married for 1 month, but true to married fashioned, I completely spaced that its actually been 2 months!! Gosh time flies. Well... heres to our 2nd month. All the wives that I love!


Elizabeth from Pride and Prejudice. Shes so romantic, but it doesnt induce the gag reflex. Shes incredibly smart, down to earth, and independent... but still able to get swooped off her feet. And... she went for the bad boy (however... that usually doesnt work out in real life... but thats ok Jane Austen)


Is it slightly pretentious to have a wedding every year? Slighly. But hey, kudos to them for having a blast with their marriage. She is a beatiful Mommy and she and Seal seem to have an awesome marriage. I couldnt manage class and fulltime work. I couldnt imagine being married, 3-4 kids, a fashion line, modeling, and your own show. Go Heidi.


Peggy Bundy is definately up there. She is sexy and hilarious. Its super cheap to look fabulous. I love that Peggy and Al are so funny together and make light of the everyday grind of work, parenting, and their relationship. If things suck, you can at least make them funny.



Marge Simpson is by far my favorite wife. She is also very sexy-hot damn she posed for playboy! I love her smoky voice and she is such a good wife and mother without being June Cleaver. Shes freaking adorable. Shes kind of outspoken, but not obnoxious. I love her.

So I have to brag about my favorite husband. He has been so awesome. Tonight was my 9th shift in a row. I have been drained and sick. Bronchitis isnt the sexiest thing to listen to all night. I even moved to the couch one night because I could tell I was waking him up. Hes packed and cleaned every day for our big move. Hes been so awesome lately. Packing might not be sexy to some people... but dang! Taking care of your wife certainly is.

Things I am totally in love with right now!

I am so obsessed with Poppies at the moment. August's flower is a poppy and thats when we got married. Poppy also signifies strength and family. I want a poppy tatoo so bad! I just dont know if I am ready for a tatoo. I kinda want one, but its something youll have forever, so I want to make sure.


When I lived in Florida for a short little while, my roomate Jordan worked at a place called Ruehl, which Ive never seen anywhere else back in the West. She would buy clothes from there and bring them home, and let me tell you. They smelled sooo amazing. The perfume (which they douse on all of their clothes) smelled like freakin heaven. I got on the elevator at worked the other day and someone had been in there that was wearing perfume. It like teleported me back to Florida. I love that smell so much. Have to own... now.


Copper eye makeup. I have this in every shade. I have a reddish copper color, a rosegold copper, browns, golds... I love them soo much. so in love with copper.




So I have always been a creature of the night. I love the color of night and I love the eeriness of it. Natural light has always been too white for me. I am much more of a yellowy, dimmer light (eh hm, moonlight). I dread summer. I dont mind spring and adore fall. As the days are getting shorter, Im realizing that Im getting just a little bit calmer.



Fall is my favorite time of year. I love all the coppers, red, yellows, browns! Like my makeup!! But I also love all the silly halloween stuff! I love the skulls, candy, baking, and getting our costumes. I love buying long sleeves and sleeping with comforters and tossing my flipflops and sunscreen. Its not too cold and not too hot. Its perfect. Its heaven.