So this is a bad month. Well. A good month, but a seriously heartbreaking month. The good news! Jeff got a job and we are moving to St George! We are so thankful! Im just happy our future is secure.

But the bad news. I was so sure we were pregnant this month. I had some some pretty serious early signs but the test came up negative. And I can feel AF coming and its pretty late. We were sure we had it this month. Im wondering if we did and it just didnt take.

Its been 3 months. Which isnt a long time. Thats only 3 cycles and your odds are only 1/4 typically. I just have to be patient. Its just so hard. So we are TRULY not "trying" anymore. Its just so hard when Im so in tune with my stuff its hard to ignore. But I am. I am going to do it. And guess what. Im drinking caffeine again. And not taking the pills. and doing or not doing anything else that I was doing to get pregnant. Maybe it wasnt supposed to happen.

When i see my baby's face I will know that we created the life that was supposed to be. The face that was supposed to be.

Sorry about all the baby stuff its just really heavy on me sometimes and I need to get it off me. This month is for me. not for my kid, gosh. Im already giving it everything Ive got. Im just so lucky. Im so thankful for Jeff who loves me no matter how frikin off the wall I get. I love you Baby.