We've been together for 2 years!

Rewind to early 2009. I had been dating this dude, and thing hadnt been working out so well. He told me that I should "get a boyfriend." So... I did! I went on a dating site to line up a few dates. Found alot of old hippie hikers that lived in a tent in zions. Sad. So a few weeks later this -guy- clicks on my page. The site tells you when someone views you, so it pulled up this adorable picture



I was so offended he didnt say hi, that I decided to send him a little "Hi" through the site. And this is what I found on my (eww so passe) Myspace a few days later.

March 15th, 2009

Thanks for the Icebreaker on YP. I hope this doesn't freak you out or anything but when I get one of those and I have some interest I check to see if I can connect with that person through Mysapce. It beats paying 30 dollars/month for YP. I searched and found your profile. I hardly use Myspace otherwise.
Anyways my email is ojbudd@yahoo.com. If you have Yahoo Messenger, MSN or AOL maybe we can start there.
Have a good day
Jeff

So we kept chatting, and me and whats-his-butt kept drifting... and then...

March 23, 2009

jess
My Internet connection has been down for a couple of days so I am sending you this message from the library. My email is ojbudd@yahoo.com. Please email me soon. If my Internet is still down I will check back again in a couple of days. Id really like to meet you in the near future. So far we've clicked well through Yahoo Messenger.
Have a good one
Jeff


So we had our first date on April 3rd. All the pics I had seen were cute and he seemed like he was 27. But still, had to be sure. So I had every window open in the whole house so I could see him walk up. Right before he was supposed to get there I remembered my purse was in my bedroom. So as I ran through the hallway (no windows) I heard the doorbell. I was so mad! I was a little nervous opening the door, but in front of it was the sweetest lookin dude, who looked pretty much like this...



So we had fun on the date at Red Robin, but it was an awkward first date like usual! I was wondering what to do when we were done eating, because he had driven from Cedar to meet me. Thankfully my roomates were gone but coming back, and! I had all the windows open in the house from trying to see him, so I felt ok about inviting "Cedar" inside. We snuggled up on the couch and it was so nice! Every time I would push on his arms around me, he would squeeze me. It was so dang cute.

So alas... that was 2 years ago tomorrow.

We celebrated Wednesday by going out to Red Lobster and getting alot of lobster and a lava cookie!



And then we watched Killer Klowns from Outter Space


If you havent seen this... you need to! Bookmark it, its worth it. Its silly and entertaining. Loved it.
http://www.hulu.com/watch/135809/killer-klowns-from-outer-space


And today! Jeff woke me up (at 6 in the morning!) to give me a dozen red roses and...
My new wedding band!!!

My camera isnt loading my pic, but here it is from the website...



Its so beautiful and I love it! And it looks great with my engagement ring.

So Happy Anniversary to my baby! I love you so much. This is also the anniversary for the best day of my life. Heres to a heck of alot more, Babe.

My Chili Recipe

So as I was looking for stuff to through in my chili and I pulled out BBQ sauce and bacon and thought... why have I never had chili with bacon in it??? SO here's what I threw together!

1/2 pound a hamburger
1 regular can of hot chili beans
1 medium can of tomato paste (1 1/2 can of water)
3 slices of bacon (chopped up of course)
Good squeeze of BBQ sauce
'Bout 1/4 of an onion chopped up
Good spoonful of minced garlic
Good shake of seasoned of seasoned salt
Really, really good shake of Chili powder
Shake of parsley flakes
And finally a spoonful of beef bouillon
AND I FORGOT THE BEST PART! Fajita seasoning instead of a chili packet!


Cooked it about an hour in my dutch oven.

This does not make alot! Im pretty good at cooking for 2 and this just barely gave us enough leftovers for chili dogs!

Also made cornbread in this...


Made the best Chili tonight!

It was amazing!

Its my Mommy's birthday!

Here's to you Mom!


So we just had a huge ordeal where Jeff got a new job that took us back to St G, then another new job that took us back to Cedar City. I really enjoyed hanging out with my mom. Its so often that being the night owl I am, I dont have alot of company before I crash into bed. I liked it so much that when I left (Im not kidding Mom) I cried when me and Jeff laid down that night. Ok people, I have moved across the freaking country without crying. I drove up the road a little and cried myself to sleep (At 21 and married).

My mom knows a little more why this leave was a little more difficult, but thats awesome mom and daughter stuff, isnt mom ;) I just really care about you and youre happiness

So that got me thinking of all the times I plopped right back in the nest.

1st- "moved out" -kinda- to Florida for school... that was fun but gosh I was 18. Kinda hard to spread my wings $9k in debt :)

2nd- Moved back to Mom's after FL. Emily was huge, so glad to be back with my family and my mommy after such a hard year. Really went through some crap when I got back so I therefore turned into a punk and moved out on my own. Which was cool until...

3rd-MOM TO THE RESCUE! Quit my job and couldnt even afford the $200 bucks I was paying Tommy and Tonya. Wasnt quite ready to move in with Jeff, so I moved back in with Mom! Gosh SHES PATIENT! But then me and Jeff got engaged and moved in together and got married.

4th- Jeff's store closed down, but he got a job in St G. Kinda silly to live in Cedar when we both work in St G so Mom to the rescue again!

So I have made the leap 4 times!-!-!-!



So anyways Ive had my mom on the brain this week. She's really outstanding. She's very patient. I love her very much. I know you hate birthdays, but its your day, so have at it. Im so happy her nest is always open! (and the next time I come to your nest its with German Chocolate cake, so maybe I can earn some of that awesomeness youve given me for so long)


Love ya!

Bicycle races are coming today!

So Jeff has been talking about getting a bike since we got together 2 years ago. We werent living together soon enough in summer and then we were too busy this summer. And obviously living in the frozen tundra of Cedar City doesnt inspire bike-riding desires. And not to mention, every time he asked me about whether I wanted a bike I said nah. Theyre unstable and I probably wouldnt like it. I hadnt ridden one since I was 10ish.

So now that we are staying with my mom we found an old bike in her garage that worked great. So a few days ago, Jeff rode the bike to the park and strolled along a little behind. Once we were at the park, I asked if I could just... try it.

Fast forward 5 miuntes... me laughing as I peddled past him as fast as I could to go faster down the hill. Freaking loved it! I went back out later that day, and again that night with Emily. And went today for a long ride. Its freaking awesome! Why have I deprived myself for all these years!


And yes. I wear my garter and black thigh highs when I go too.

So this is a bad month. Well. A good month, but a seriously heartbreaking month. The good news! Jeff got a job and we are moving to St George! We are so thankful! Im just happy our future is secure.

But the bad news. I was so sure we were pregnant this month. I had some some pretty serious early signs but the test came up negative. And I can feel AF coming and its pretty late. We were sure we had it this month. Im wondering if we did and it just didnt take.

Its been 3 months. Which isnt a long time. Thats only 3 cycles and your odds are only 1/4 typically. I just have to be patient. Its just so hard. So we are TRULY not "trying" anymore. Its just so hard when Im so in tune with my stuff its hard to ignore. But I am. I am going to do it. And guess what. Im drinking caffeine again. And not taking the pills. and doing or not doing anything else that I was doing to get pregnant. Maybe it wasnt supposed to happen.

When i see my baby's face I will know that we created the life that was supposed to be. The face that was supposed to be.

Sorry about all the baby stuff its just really heavy on me sometimes and I need to get it off me. This month is for me. not for my kid, gosh. Im already giving it everything Ive got. Im just so lucky. Im so thankful for Jeff who loves me no matter how frikin off the wall I get. I love you Baby.

So recently on my facebook...

I said I had OCD in high school. I haven't been clinically diagnosed, but I dint need to be. I know its what was going on.

Definition

Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is a type of anxiety disorder in which you have unreasonable thoughts and fears (obsessions) that lead you to engage in repetitive behaviors (compulsions). With obsessive-compulsive disorder, you may realize that your obsessions aren't reasonable, and you may try to ignore them or stop them. But that only increases your distress and anxiety. Ultimately, you feel driven to perform compulsive acts in an effort to ease your distress.


So I had this one teacher who was really big on reading. I remember one time she asked me if I had read the captions under the picture. Most high schoolers would have been like, yeah! Even if they hadn't. That was not me. So after I got points taken away for not reading and heard her go off on how we are not to skim, haha, my anxiety kicked in.

I need to add here another thing that really hurt me. I was very, very spiritual. I was also being taught that the "voice in my head" was the Holy Spirit. So I'm sinning if i miss a word and "skim", so therefore the Holy spirit is guiding me to re-read things so I wont mess up (and displease God).

Soon after this reading incident I started rereading sentences if I missed a couple words. This turned into a compulsive thing that I was literally sounding out every syllable in my head. OH GOD! Prepositional phrases threw me off like you would not believe. Say I was reading, "In the beginning of the the year, the student went insane." I would re-read that first part like 10 times I kid you not. The OCD voice, which I was under the impression was the Holy Spirit, was telling me to do it. So my OCD brain became God. Oh it was bad. Very very bad.

My mom took me in for glasses because my eyes hurt so bad. I had perfect vision! I was just spending all day reading and my eyes were worn out from going back and back and back. I would get massive headaches. Sometimes I would beg my mom to read to me. I had to get the Bible on tape to read along to it. That would send me into a tail spin. Spiritual OCD person, reading the Bible, their brain (God in my eyes) telling me to re-read it over and over.

Dishes! I would wash a dish, set it in the rack, and "the holy spirit" would tell me there was something dangerous on that plate that I needed to rinse off. So... we'd re-wash it.

Now, I wasn't a religious psycho. I knew there was something wrong, but never considered OCD. I thought OCD was when you cleaned alot or hated things to be out of place. And Lord knows that is not me!

I'm sure this blows some of you away who know me now. I'm alot different now. I have completely grown out of my OCD. Even though I'm not even close to as spiritual as I was, I still believe in God. I believe He's alot more intuition than regular thoughts. I just realize now, hes not some little alien living in my brain with controls.




This RUINED my Junior year of high school. I was sick of being berated by my own head. I just wanted out. I seriously gained like 30 pounds and cried every other night. Thankfully, I loosened up alot, but unfortunately I did overdo it. But I will find my balance. I'm young! I don't tell alot of people this because its so unbelievable now. Its a year out of my childhood that I wish I could forget. I have it under control and will never let it steal another second.

The little engine that could!

Haha! Oh the innuendo... but anyways

So I posted a while back about how we're trying to get pregnant! Way excited. Its been 2 months that have been disappointing at the end, but we're hopeful and having fun trying. I hear all the time that "I get pregnant when my husband looks at me!" <- hate them! After I scoured over some online stuff and talking to family, Ive realized that its not a bad thing, but its actually a really normal thing to take a while. 2 months in nothing compared to years! Not to mention!!! We had our timing off! Holy cow. We were off by like 2 days. So thats delayed our baby too.

So, armed with some goods and some pills, we are on the baby train a little longer.

Dear Baby,

This week Im giving up Pepsi for Sierra Mist- because apparently you dont like caffeine. I know youre worth it!

More sex, drugs and rock n roll for me. Just not quite like how that usually goes together.



Make you soon, Babes. *knock on wood! babe. No babeS